Back pain in the paediatric population is a common presentation due to the recent development of shaft sinking and the relatively inexpensive remuneration requirements of employees aged six to ten. Members of this demographic often display poor balance and proprioception, with the consequent morbidity and mortality resulting in time-consuming and ultimately costly rehiring processes. Such processes can be alleviated by providing the relevant assets with on-the-spot surgery, but a shortage of paediatric vertebrae donors frequently renders rehiring the more parsimonious option. One solution to this conundrum involves a widening of the donation net whereby vertebrae are sought from populations with reduced capacities for verbal consent. Meles meles represents an optimal example of such a population, with recent UK culling measures facilitating a thriving transoceanic trade in osseous tissue. We present evidence that the relevant procedure can be performed rapidly and at a low cost. Short-term side-effects of the relevant procedures are unmeasured, and the lack of legal precedent presents an opportune window for its widespread implementation.

Dr Joseph completed his PhD in Molecular Linguistics at the University of St Hospital, as well as a Certificate II in Self-Care at the University of Aquarius. He is the director of Have a Heart, a for-profit transplant agency based at Hanging Rock. He has published more than 45 in reputed journals and has served time.